Photo by dan carlson on Unsplash
So life lately for me looks a little bit like this:
joy+being what some would call, a weirdo+chaos
can you tell I’m back in school? I’m seriously putting life together like a math problem. People who know me well know that if I’m talking about math in any way (other than quoting Frasier of course) then my life MUST be out of control because I’ve literally gone crazy.
Further explanations:
Joy–
I’m back in school! I know I’ve been back in school since January but I’m finnnnaaaallllyyyyyy in classes that make me excited to get up in the morning! Learning is fun but sitting in a classroom all day for a personality type like mine (whichever one that is, idk in real science, I only know in buzzfeed quizzes) can drive me nuts! But I’m in my ASL classes right now (have I shared what I’m going back to school for? another post!) and I am loving every minute of it. Homework is only slightly more fun than it used to be but I’m learning things I’ve been wondering about for years, since I became interested in sign language what feels like forever ago, and so I’m just really happy. I’ve also made some new friends and that’s always fun!
Being a weirdo–
I have a really bad habit of falling off the face of the earth, continuing to think about all those that I love, but then not wanting to reach out again for fear that no one wants to hear from me. That might be something that keeps me coming back here. I don’t check the stats on this thing, I don’t know if anyone is really out there, but I’m here. That’s all that really matters for me to keep living this thing known as the human experience, that I’m here doing it. The world can be a very dark place, but as long as I’m searching for the light even if it doesn’t seem like it’s anywhere to be found, I am. Sometimes I just need to retreat. I haven’t figured out how to best work that aspect of my personality but it’s never anything personal. Sometimes things can be so overwhelming that keeping up can feel like a struggle that constantly has me feeling like I’m a failure or not enough. Sometimes even picking up the phone to send a text can be a daunting task. Technology and always needing to be/feeling like I need to be attached to my phone can make me feel anxious sometimes, too. Maybe I should get back to letter writing? I know that sounds crazy because it’s way more work than sending a text but I enjoy putting a pen or pencil to paper, sending love and good intent, and getting out of my house. All three things I can use in letter writing. Ok, it’s settled. I’m going to start writing more letters! Ah. I love this space of mine. I often feel so inspired when I sit down to write here. There are some blogging buddies I haven’t talked to in a while that I’ve been thinking of as well, I should definitely make some time to get up with them, even if I have to do it through e-mail ;)
Chaos–
We have to move. Again. I feel like I could end this section right there. I just feel like there is nothing more to say. Maybe that’s because I’ve talked it over to death with my bff, my mother, and my husband or maybe it’s because everyone knows moving sucks. I’m trying not to be insensitive to the fact that people in a lot of places around the world have just lost everything and I only have to move, but I think what makes my heart heavy within my own life is important, too. It’s been tough because we’ve only lived here for a year and we were never able to settle down really (because #2017) only to be told that our lease wasn’t going to be renewed two months before it was up for renewal. We were given a 60 day notice which was generous, but I really loved this apartment and was ready to finally be able to make it my own now that things were starting to settle down. LOL. Andrew is doing well with the news while I’ve been teetering on the edge of that pit in Sparta, but I’m counting my blessings and really working hard to get all the moving tasks completed while staying focused in school. I’m just excited that with this next move, we’ll be done moving for good probably. More on that later, maybe. Idk.
ANYWAYYYY
That’s what’s been up over here! Oh yea, I chose that photo up top because my favorite season is coming to an end, so life lately is about to start looking like that. Autumn is nice an all but having to wear shoes outside again is never all that exciting to me. Also, I have a couple of posts I wrote a while back that I might throw out here but I’ve really been enjoying this real time posting. Has that ever been popular in blogging? It should be!
I hope all is well with your soul ♥
*This post was written and published in real time, 9/12/2017, 10:45am EST