Ahh the quest for balance. (re-cap my 2017 word for the year post here)

Honestly, I didn’t know if this post would ever come. I sat down to write something else and this just kinda flowed out. It started out as something else and bloomed into this post that ultimately has just made me feel as though I need to trust myself more. That makes me smile.

*

Usually, by January 8th, I am in the thick of “New Year denial.” You know it, where we’ve all convinced ourselves that this year is going to be ours, and everything is going to go our way. Yeah! But then, at the first sign of what we perceive to be the opposite, we then open up our eyes to what we like to refer to as “reality.” Or, “same shit different day” maybe. That type of thing…

I think that the “reality” is that life will always keep doing what it does. I didn’t fall down the rabbit hole of new year denial this year because I feel I’m come to believe (or maybe understand) that there are no real new years, there is just this one life. It’s just a series of moments assigned a time stamp. That sounds sad I know, but it’s not because I also know that they are my moments to make the most of.

My favorite affirmation is “everything is going my way” because I’ve committed to believing that, completely apart from a knowledge of exactly how things will work out. The unknown and all of it’s mysteries has always scared me, but I don’t want to live in fear so in an effort to combat this, I began affirming to myself that everything was going my way. Even if it was the worst day, I would proclaim that everything was going my way. I would do this because sometimes, even when we don’t think that there is, there’s something amazing happening behind the scenes that we can’t see or understand yet.

I don’t pretend to know everything. I’ve never known what some would refer to as true tragedy, and I know most times things are easier said than done. In truth, this just about me learning how to sit back, and let the universe do it’s thing because it’s going to anyway. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a responsibility to be kind, or take care of my body, it just means that I think I have learned that controlling EVERYTHING in life (especially other people…) is impossible and probably causes more anxiety than anything else.

I wouldn’t say I wake up every morning feeling in harmony with the world automatically, but what I do know now is that balance is something I must seek daily. Life will do things to sway the scales but it’s me who calmly holds them still until they settle again.

 

 

**This post was written&published in real time on 1/8/2018 at 11:50pm